5 More Don'ts for the First Date After Divorce

With the recent release of Eat, Pray, Love, a movie about bouncing back after a series of breakups, self-discovery and self-growth, many of us have started fantasizing about going to Italy, India and Indonesia as well. The story is one of finding happiness, finding yourself and then finding love -- a beautiful tale and one that I'm pretty sure we all aspire to. Somewhere along that road, however, comes the First Date -- that momentous day when you go on your first date after a big breakup. Here are the second five of fifteen tips to make the First Date a little easier.

1) Be yourself. When you've been with someone for a long time, it's hard to remember what it's like to be by yourself. Relationships affect us in countless ways, and every new person we become close with teaches us something about them, about us, and about how we interact with others. As a result, "being yourself" after a breakup is challenging, because you probably don't know this new you that well. This limbo period makes us vulnerable to acting how we think others want us to act. Resist this and do your best to be you -- incenserity, no matter how well meant, is a turn-off.

2) Move at your own pace. The first date after a breakup is a big deal and it's easy to get pushed at a pace faster than you're perhaps ready for. Even if you feel great about this new person, making a concious effort to move slowly so that a real connection develops can do wonders to make the whole new relationship thing a lot more comfortable. It's scary letting someone else in after a traumatic situaiton like divorce, so give yourself a break and let things develop as they will -- don't pressure yourself into doing or being in something you're not ready for.

3) Expect awkwardness. It's going to be slightly awkward, so spend zero time stressing about that aspect of it. The first date back is usually after a long hiatus from the world of flirty small talk, and it's totally natural to be a bit rusty. If you can, enjoy the awkwardness -- it can be an ice-breaker if you can find a way to laugh about it.

4) Don't worry about what they think. Emotional confidence can be at its lowest after a breakup, and going on a date again will absolutely make you think of your last relationship, no matter how much progress you've made on the recovery road. Having an unexpected reminder of the very thing you're trying to move on from can be a bummer and a confidence suck. Ignore it and remember that the person you're on the date with wants to be there. It wouldn't be happening if they didn't.

5) It's totally fine if the date bombs. If things jump on the bullet train to hell on your long-anticipated date, don't worry about it. It happens. We're not compatible with everyone we meet. Plus, once you're through the first date, you won't have to have the "first date after divorce' again. From then on you'll just be dating.

Divorce and breakups can do a number on our emotional well-being and confidence and it's so important to remember to let yourself recover at your own pace and not worry about the "should"s: I should be dating again, I should be over it, I should be totally fine. Try not to stress about the date and enjoy getting to know someone new. If the date is fun, fantastic. If not, now you've gotten through the worst of it -- the first date back.

Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, where I'm the dating expert.