5 Party Mingling Don'ts

Parties, depending on how social we're feeling on a particular day, are either something to be looked forward to and enjoyed with a "Best. Night. Ever" fervor, or are social nightmares to be dreaded and may cause psychosomatic flu-like symptoms hours before the event, keeping us (happily) contained to our couches watching re-runs of Sex and the City. No matter where we fall on this scale, we all have good days and bad days. After attending a party a couple weeks ago where all of the following five "don'ts" occurred more than once, here are some basic tips to (hopefully) make the upcoming party season as un-nightmarish and "Best. Night. Ever," as possible.

1) Avoid being a personal space invader. Sometimes, when we're in a small space with a lot of people, it's impossible not to get too close -- and that's fine. The forced invasion of personal space even provides something to joke and laugh about. But when there's plenty of room and someone gets thisclose (and they're not your best friend or significant other), it's very uncool. Culturally, personal space can vary, but a good rule of thumb is between a two and three feet away when you're having a conversation with someone at a party.

2) Don't be "That Girl/Guy" at the party. Whether it be alcohol or something more in the illegal realm, getting wasted to the point of blacking out or being out of control is rarely cool, especially when the person in question keeps swearing that they're not, in fact, over their limit.

3) Don't be a conversation hogger. Meeting new people is one of the best things about attending a party. Sometimes you can walk away with a new BFF, date and/or a giant pile of warm fuzzy feelings from an enjoyable night with awesome people. And sometimes, you can get stuck in a truly cringe-inducing conversation, where the other person is talking just to hear the sound of their own voice and although is asking you questions, isn't listening to a word you say. Nothing kills a conversation faster than having the person you're talking to ask you the same question multiple times because they weren't paying attention.

4) Avoid double dipping in mixed company. Going for the hummus, guacamole or delicious seven layered bean dip with the chip you just took a bite out of may be cool around your closest pals, but doing it at a party where you don't know everyone is not advised, for obvious reasons.

5) Don't gossip. Parties are great places for overhearing (read eavesdropping), and when you don't know everyone there, it's waaaaay to easy to get caught saying something you probably shouldn't be saying and having the person you're discussing find out. It's also a good idea to keep your (negative) opinions about the other party-goers to yourself -- you never know who might know the person you're talking about. Sticking to the old "Don't say anything if you don't have something nice to say," is a solid plan.

Potholes like the above are easy to avoid once we're aware of them (or have been guilty of them and felt moronic enough afterwards to avoid repeating the mistake). Even on those shy or "I don't want to go out" days, pulling together a good attitude about party-going and being social will make a huge difference as to whether or not the experience will rock . Parties are fantastic places to meet new people, make new connections and have a great time -- especially if we're enjoying the single life. Every cool new person we meet is going to know other cool people they can introduce us to, drastically widening our social circles and hugely upping the odds of finding our next date.

Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, where I'm the dating expert.

Dating Dish: Seattle Does It Best – Friends First

This is the next installment of my monthly column, Dating Dish, for Girl Power Hour. Dating Dish is a monthly feature that brings you hot dating tips and sassy how tos to keep your dating life sexy. Enjoy!

Seattle Does It Best - Friends First

Dating Dish: Grab Your Flippy-Floppies, Because Your Next Date Is On a Boat.

This is the next installment of my monthly column, Dating Dish, for Girl Power Hour. Dating Dish is a monthly feature that brings you hot dating tips and sassy how tos to keep your dating life sexy. Enjoy!

Grab Your Flippy-Floppies, Because Your Next Date is On a Boat

Photo credit: Amanda O'Brien

Just for fun: I’m On A Boat (ft. T-Pain)

5 Easy-To-Plan Themed Parties to Kick Off Your Summer

Parties are fun all year round, but in the summer when we're all a little more relaxed and fun-loving, adding some sparkle to your parties with a fun theme can make a huge difference in attendance and give your crew a chance to enjoy the hell out of a Saturday night. Plus, the more enticing the party is, the more likely it is your friends will bring friends -- one or more of whom may end up being your next date. Here are five easy-to-plan, very-low-stress plug-and-play parties that require only a light cleaning of your apartment, some simple supplies and an Evite account.

1. Blind Taste Test: Cheap Beer / Wine. Request that everyone who attends brings their favorite cheap wine or beer ($5 or under). Once they arrive, wrap the bottles in masking tape (so that no one knows what they're drinking), give each bottle a number, and begin the tasting. Everyone votes for a favorite and most likely, hilarity will ensue when the crowd realizes that Two Buck Chuck from Trader Joe's is the winner.

2. Jello-Flavor Party. Everyone attending dresses in a monochromatic color, limited by the colors of the flavors of Jello. Serve your favorite Jello concoction and enjoy the rainbow of ridiculousness caused by you and your friends dressed in head to toe bright yellow (or green, blue, red or purple). Don't forget the camera.
 

3. Clothes Swap Party. The requirement to enter is to wear something you don't want anymore (with bonus points given for going thrift store shopping ahead of time and wearing something completely ridiculous). The goal is to leave wearing something entirely different, and hopefully that you actually might wear. Barter and swap clothing during the party to get what you want. Hilarity, some partial nudity and a whole lot of fun is guaranteed.
 

4. Best Drink Party. All guests (or groups of guests) must bring the fixings for their favorite drink: the more outrageous the better. Each drink gets a separate station, and everyone tries everything. Votes are cast and the winner gets a token prize. If people choose drinks that are unusual and uncommon, this can be an educational experience as well as a fun party.
 

5. Wine and Cheese Party. The caveat with this one is to bring really, really cheap wine and really, really hight quality cheese. The name of the party sounds classy and posh, but it ends up being a whole lot of giggly fun when you juxtapose cheap wine with really good cheese. Enjoy the epicurean nightmare.

Themed parties are great because they give the guests something to do and talk about, and when everyone is doing the same thing, creates common ground on which to stand. Themes create easy conversation spaces and when there's a goal, push people to mingle and talk to those they might not have otherwise. When you're dealing with combining groups of friends who don't know each other that well or with friends of friends coming into the mix, this is especially useful. Plus, themed parties are often good for several hours of stress-busting fun and laughter, which deepens bonds between friends and can easily create a bond between those who just met. So whether you're trolling for your next date or just want to spend a beautiful summer night in good company, theme parties are an easy, make-them-come-to-you answer.

Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, where I'm the dating expert.

5 Ways to Get Outside, Meet Your Next Date, and Have a Blast

Summer is here and if you’re recovering from a break-up, now is the perfect time to utilize the many benefits of being single in the warmest, laziest time of year. One of the easiest ways to meet new people (remembering that even if you’re not ready to date again, it’s always great to find new people to laugh with), is to take a co-ed sports class. When that class is outdoors, teaches you a new skill, gives you a great work-out and is full of fun and attractive people enjoying life, it adds up to a fantastic make-you-smile combination. Here are five fun outdoor summer activities that give you a work-out and easy access to your next date.

1. Beach Volleyball. Even if you don’t live on a beach, there will be a park with sand where people play this incredibly fun sport. Community centers, colleges and private clubs alike offer classes, ranging from beginner to expert. Wherever you fall on that scale, you’ll be surrounded by attractive, tanned, fun-loving people. Plus, it’s a fantastic work-out.

2. Sailing. Sun, water and a humbling day of dinging around on a small sailboat is a fantastic way to bond with your classmates -- no one knows what they’re doing and it’s a real challenge to do any serious damage to anyone or anything. End result? Hilarity. Plus, once you understand the mechanics of sailing a tiny boat, the bigger ones will be much easier to learn. Then, you can hang out with the local sailing club, giving you access to an even bigger group of outdoorsy, water loving people.

3. Rock Climbing. Although probably the most physically challenging of the five, it’s arguably the most fun. There’s nothing like successfully scaling a wall with the sun beating down on you and being cheered on by your fellow newbies. You’ll do things you never imagined you could, and walk away with some seriously envy-inducing shoulders. Plus, never was there a place with so many attractive, healthy people than in a rock-climbing gym.

4. Golf. One of the most popular weekend activities, golf is one of those sports for which the mechanics and frustrations can provide hours of easy-to-keep-going conversation. Once you’re ready to play a game on your own, you can ask to be put with people at your level. Four hours walking around a golf course is a great workout, and an even better bonding situation. You’ll walk away with three new friends, and perhaps your next date.

5. Kayaking. Depending on where you go, kayaking varies in its challenges. The one common factor? A great upper-body workout. It’s also one of those sports, like hiking, where you can easily find a group (led by a professional) to join and spend a weekend with. The immediate bond you feel with nature when it’s just you and a paddle is amazing, and incredibly healing.

Being outside is a proven mood lifter; as is exercise. Taking a outdoor sports-based class gives you a work-out and also provides you with a fail-safe way to make new friends because you’ll always have something to talk about when you’re in a class together, and the bonding that comes with being schooled in humility when we learn something new creates instant friendships. If you’re ready to date and no one in your class fits the mold, these new friends will fold you into their circle and you’ll meet even more potential dates. Any way you look at it, outdoor summer classes or professionally led group trips add up to a win-win way to spend a few hours on a weekend.

Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, where I'm the dating expert.

10 Weekend Activities You Haven't Thought of Yet to Expand Your Horizons and Improve Your Life

After a break-up or any other sort of change in your life, how you feel about yourself is one of the things that can take the biggest pummeling. To start putting power back in your piggy bank of self-esteem, try any (or all!) of the things on this list. You get bonus points for doing something you haven't tried before or that you're slightly nervous about, because every time you successfully do something outside of your comfort zone, you're reminded that you CAN do it and that you're a capable, kick-ass human being. I, for example, have a completely irrational fear of getting eaten by a shark, and while I'm completely comfortable in the water, the thought of being so far under I couldn't easily make it to the surface if I ran out of air makes my blood run cold. So for me, getting my scuba certification was a major accomplishment because I had to deal with these in-my-face fears. Now, whenever I encounter something that freaks me out, I remember how I not only survived, but was exposed to a new sport and new world of insane beauty, and it serves as a nice reminder that I'm strong and no matter what is scaring me, I'll probably get through this too. This is a huge boost for my self-esteem.

If you're feeling like flying solo to a class, retreat, trip, whatever, you get the added benefit of putting yourself in a situation to meet some great new people, which is always a plus when you feel a hole in another part of your life. If you're feeling social, bring a friend or five along and get reminded of the good things: great friends, laughter, sunshine. When you go away for a weekend and immerse yourself in something, it's a chance to leave all the BS you're dealing with at home and just fly free for a weekend. It doesn't take a lot of money, if any. Sometimes just grabbing a friend, driving to a new place for a day and exploring can fatten up your piggy bank.

So here it is - 10 things you haven't thought of yet to make this weekend awesome.

1. Redecorate your apartment / move stuff around / wallpaper or decal your bathroom - anything that will make it feel like a new place. Ending a relationship might be the end of a chapter, but you've got a new chapter just starting, full of promise. Buy some new throw pillows and rejuvenate your living space. Make it as comfortable and as you as possible.

2. Go buy a canvas and some paint from your local art store, dig out that camera and shoot (or anything else creative that floats your boat) and have at it for the weekend. Focusing entirely on creativity for the weekend can bust you out of the funk in no time.

3. Find a pole dancing studio and start taking classes. Almost all the studios will do a home-based class where they bring a couple poles for you and 5 friends, and teach you hot moves for a couple hours. Not only is it a blast, it's an incredible workout. If you like it, invest in some classes. I've yet to find a workout more fulfilling, challenging and fun than pole dancing.

4. Go all Julie and Julia on yourself and try 10 recipes in 48 hours. Have a potluck to share them.

5. Volunteer at your local animal shelter. They're always in search of volunteers to play with the animals to get them used to kind human contact. Sometimes all it takes is a fuzzy critter to cheer you up.

6. Go salsa dancing with your girlfriends. Wear something hot and if you don't know how to salsa, go to the free-to-cheap dance lesson prior to the club opening. Salsa dancing is one place where everyone is just there to have a good time and it doesn't really matter how good you are as long as you're having fun. Same goes for line dancing, except bring your cowboy hat.

7. Take a weekend with a girlfriend or your best gay friend and plan out a route to hit all your favorite thrift stores/craft fairs/swap meets/garage sales to find some cheap, one-of-a-kind treasures.

8. If you feel like adventuring in nature, check out REI or a local outdoors supply store for their weekend events. They'll often lead hikes, camping trips, river rafting, kayaking, scuba diving trips, etc. Doing some active, adrenaline-rush-inducing and challenging for the weekend is an excellent perk-me-up. Plus, because it's an adventure, you'll bond with everyone else in the group and meet some cool new people.

9. Buy a guidebook for your city and try three things you've never tried before - sightseeing, historical tours, garden/architectural walks, etc.

10. Spend the weekend planning your dream vacation. Figure out your budget, things to see, places to stay, ideal guidebooks and itineraries, etc. and then start saving. Planning for the future is a great way to start looking forward.

All of these are about deciding you're going to give yourself a mini-vacation from your life, and doing it. Leave it all behind for a weekend. Don't think about your ex, or your job, or any of the other multitudes of stressors you might have in your life. You'll feel rejuvenated after 48 hours.

Happy healing!

Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, where I'm the dating expert.

5 Ways to Get Out There and Jump Into Spring

Spring is traditionally a time for falling in love. The flowers are blooming, the air gets warmer so shoulders and shapely calves are visible again after being hidden under cozy wool sweaters and jeans for months and months, and there's a certain excitement in the air. After a break-up, you may not be ready to dive back into the dating game, but you can certainly enjoy the tangential benefits of being around all this friskiness.

Try these get-out-there-and-enjoy-life tips this weekend:

1. Spend an afternoon catching up on all those phone calls with old friends you have on your list. Laughing at old memories is a guaranteed pick-me-up.

2. Volunteer at (or sign up for) an adventure race, a marathon, 10K, 5K, triathlon or any other outdoor sporting event. Whether you're there to help or participating, being around lots of people doing great things is a great mood lifter. The vibe at the end of a race is unmatched by any other -- it's a fantastic place to be.

3. Go on a food tasting/ coffee tasting/ chocolate tasting tour of your city with a friend or two or five. These are amazingly fun and you'll probably find some new favorite spots. Re-introducing yourself to your city after a hiatus and making new (happy) memories is a great way to move forward.

4. Volunteer with a local beach clean up, tree planting, or Habitat for Humanity group for the weekend. You'll meet tons of new people, and having something to do that has a positive impact is great for your emotional piggy bank.

5. Do a one-day mini road trip with friends to a local small town or scenic destination. Pick something that's about 2 hours away and make a mix-tape of all your favorite songs for the road. Have lunch, walk around and then head back. Getting away and having fun, even for just a little while, is a great way to jump back in and remind yourself of the great things you have in your life.

Spring is a beautiful time of year and a great time to be getting out there and back into life. No matter where you are in your journey of bouncing back, now's a great time to take a moment and enjoy the good in life.

Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, where I'm the dating expert.

What if I'm in high school?

I received an email a couple weeks ago from an enthusiastic fan, who happened to be in her second year of high school. She very astutely and aptly pointed out that many of the examples in Screw Cupid don't directly apply when you're in a situation (like high school) where you're around the same group of people everyday and who watch your every move, making opportunistic conversation with strangers challenging. She also asked for alternatives to "going out" to meet guys, since she's not of the legal drinking age yet.

Her first point - that it's more challenging to approach someone you like when you and that someone see each other and the same 10/20/50/300 people every day - is valid, and applies to more than just a scholastic atmosphere. Offices, social groups, teams - how do you approach someone who clearly recognizes you, but who falls in the dead zone between stranger and friend? I'm of the opinion that although approaching these people takes a bit more thought, it's certainly possible. For example, if the guy is someone you see everyday in class or four times a week for your co-ed soccer practice, acknowledging the fact you recognize each other with a smile is a good way to break the ice. Catch him at a time when you're both waiting for something, or resting on the side of the field. Smile, and then, as though it just occurred to you, deliver your opener:

"Hey, mind if I ask you a question? I need a present for my brother for his birthday, and was wondering from a dude's perspective which is a better present: a sweater or some other item of clothing, or a gift certificate to Amazon. Gift certificates are so impersonal, but other than clothes, I don't really know what else to get him. He's got everything."

You don't need a prop or a reason to be near him - the fact you see each other on a regular basis takes care of your reason for being there.

Her second point (about not being able to drink and "go out") was easier to address - if you're unable (or don't want to) hit the bar scene or go out on the town to meet guys and your social circle is limited by school, work, etc., look to other social circles to meet new people. Extracurricular classes and/or sports, religious functions (if that's your thing) and intellectual excursions (think museums, art galleries, etc.) are all good places to meet people outside your normal circle. Coffee shops, smoothie joints, cafes, libraries, book stores and anywhere else people in your target demographic hang out are good options as well.

Yours in problem solving,
S 

Have you ever lived on the East Cost? People here just don't "talk" to strangers (aka hot men). It seems like your advice would work in California, but not in the big East Coast cities.

I haven't ever lived on the East Coast full-time, no, but I've definitely noticed the vibe difference between the East and West Coasts in terms of how people communicate on the street - your point is a good one.

My advice is that if you're finding yourself in situations where it doesn't seem socially appropriate to strike up a conversation with someone you don't know, then I would suggest trying to find other venues in which to meet people - take a cooking or photography class, join a book club, join a running group - something that gives you a reason for being there and therefore makes the people you're interacting with less like strangers and more like the other people in your group. When they're the latter, it's much easier to just "talk" to them.

Yours on the left coast,
S

Best and Worst Cities for Dating (according to The Daily Beast)

It's something every single has pondered: Are you shooting yourself in the foot by living in a particular city? Or was your choice to live in your current city a great one because of the multitudes of Hot Single Guys running around?

The Daily Beast has taken it upon themselves to rank the US cities on their man-magnetness based a number of attributes - city size, education, income and gym availability (the latter to serve as a proxy for how easy it is to meet said Hot Guys, and how fit they might be). Most lists I've seen like this in the past have been based purely on U.S. Census Bureau statistics, so I applaud The Daily Beast for adding in a few more ways to judge. Here's the article:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-10-18/the-best-cities-to-meet-men/?cid=hp:beastoriginalsR1

I'm pleased to see that Seattle ranks near the top (#3). I've had the distinct impression upon moving here 4 months ago that this city is a great place to meet Hot Guys, despite what I had heard. They're everywhere - running on the waterfront, in the ubiquitous coffee shops, in the bars, in the museums, at the shows, on the street... As I see it, Seattle is urban enough to dispel those persistent rumors that every guy that lives here is a grundgy hippie. Not that I have anything against hippiness (I'm a two year veteran of Burning Man), but as I understand it, the word on the street about Seattle and the Northwest in general was that if you wanted someone who showered, this wasn't the place to go. After careful observation, I stand by the statement that this isn't true. There are lots of Hot Guys in Seattle. I'm glad to hear someone is backing me up on that.

The other ranking that jumped out at me was San Francisco being ranked #4 - as in the 4th best city to live in to meet guys. I'm a native Northern-Californian, and one of the major complaints I've heard about SF is that it's an impossible city to be in if you're a single girl looking for a date. The guys are either "taken or gay", to quote my friend Kate. Now, as a proponent of girls taking the lead in initiating conversation, I'm not sure I can wholeheartedly agree with this city-wide judgment (largely because I'm not sure Kate has seen the light with initiating conversation).

Are there lots of Hot Guys in SF? Certainly. As for the "taken or gay" standpoint, methinks this may be a case of the 10/20/70 ratio at work. As in - on any given night, the guys out on the town will break down (roughly) into the following groups:

10%: These are the douchebags that hit on you. Their egos are huge and they throw cheesy pick up lines at you in the hopes that you'll become another notch on their bedpost.

20%: These are the socially mal-adjusted guys. They're undateable for one reason or another: loose relationship with the shower, line items on their criminal records, etc.

70%: These are those best-guy-friends/brothers/co-workers all your friends keep talking about that are so amazing, funny, hot, cool and nice. They don't hit on you because they've been burned one too many times by hitting on other girls - either by being laughed at, having a drink thrown in their face, or receiving a fake phone number. There's nothing wrong with them, they just don't try anymore because every time they do, it backfires.

The perceived "taken" is most likely based solely on the sub-set of guys that actually initiate conversation, which probably hovers at around 15% of the total single guy population. My friend Kate doesn't talk to the other 85% (which includes that golden 70% mentioned above), because they don't approach her, leaving her no choice but to judge the entire group based on dudes with egos the size of elephants. As for the complaint about some of the hot guys being gay? SF is a west-coast, liberal, gay-friendly city. Enjoy it!

So, how does one meet the Golden 70%? Unless you're content with destiny bringing you Brad Pitt as your pizza man, you take matters into your own hands and you initiate conversation. That 70% is out there and waiting for the sassy girls of the world to take the reigns.

Thanks to The Daily Beast for putting together the best "Where to Find the Hot Guys" list I've seen in a long time.

Yours in sassy optimism,
S