Texting Etiquette 101

Texting: the wonderfully practical but often easily and horribly misinterpreted middle ground between the informality of email and the seriousness of a phone call, it has become the go-to way to communicate with those around us. It’s immediate (as most of us seldom stray more than three feet from our phones), it’s quick, and it’s easy.

That said, texting requires a delicate hand, especially at the beginning of a romance. If you say something that gets misinterpreted, it can spell disaster. Taking too long to respond or responding too quickly takes on significant meaning. Witty banter is a must, and so is the requisite agonizing over clever word play and/or alluding to your vast knowledge of obscure but humorous pop culture (obviously making sure it’s not so obscure that your amour won’t get it).

The problem is that not everyone subscribes to the same version of Texting Etiquette 101. As a result, misinterpretation, confusion and emotional agony can surface — Yikes. Here’s how to avoid the worst of it. 

In my experience, both personally and professionally (and I’m going to gender generalize here, so bear with me), the ladies and the gents have very different views of the dos and don’ts of texting. For example, the ladies (in general) appear to require (and give) a response — even if no question was asked and no response was necessary. The ladies want to know that the guy received the text (and want the guy to know that they received his), and attach a lot of emotional significance to how long it took said guy to respond, what he said, how it was phrased (and if there was any hidden meaning), and if the guy (deep breath) didn’t respond, many an agonizing hour will be spent analyzing why he didn’t respond.

The gents (in general), view texting a little differently. If the text received requires a response, a response is given. If it doesn’t, the information is absorbed and the day continued. If a guy doesn’t receive a response, the assumption is that the lady receiving the text was busy and will get back to them later — only after a couple days have passed do they wonder if something is amiss. Also, the gents (in general) don’t seem to analyze the “hidden messages” in each text (as the ladies want to do), unless said text says something totally weird.

The most solid piece of advice to keep everyone happy (no matter which gender you subscribe to) is to always provide a reason for your crush to reply. Say what you were going to say, but end it with a question or say something witty and entertaining enough it deserves a response. Bottom line, avoid the open ended statements that can be read, absorbed and require no response. Response is everything when you’re in a new texting relationship — and the more witty, fun and sexy the response, the better.

Yours in titty wexting, S

Originally published on the PickV.com blog (a new dating site that matches people based on music, movies and book likes and dislikes), where I am the weekly love/relationships contributor.

(Credits: Image by: stevendamron)

5 Ways to Get Out There and Jump Into Spring

Spring is traditionally a time for falling in love. The flowers are blooming, the air gets warmer so shoulders and shapely calves are visible again after being hidden under cozy wool sweaters and jeans for months and months, and there's a certain excitement in the air. After a break-up, you may not be ready to dive back into the dating game, but you can certainly enjoy the tangential benefits of being around all this friskiness.

Try these get-out-there-and-enjoy-life tips this weekend:

1. Spend an afternoon catching up on all those phone calls with old friends you have on your list. Laughing at old memories is a guaranteed pick-me-up.

2. Volunteer at (or sign up for) an adventure race, a marathon, 10K, 5K, triathlon or any other outdoor sporting event. Whether you're there to help or participating, being around lots of people doing great things is a great mood lifter. The vibe at the end of a race is unmatched by any other -- it's a fantastic place to be.

3. Go on a food tasting/ coffee tasting/ chocolate tasting tour of your city with a friend or two or five. These are amazingly fun and you'll probably find some new favorite spots. Re-introducing yourself to your city after a hiatus and making new (happy) memories is a great way to move forward.

4. Volunteer with a local beach clean up, tree planting, or Habitat for Humanity group for the weekend. You'll meet tons of new people, and having something to do that has a positive impact is great for your emotional piggy bank.

5. Do a one-day mini road trip with friends to a local small town or scenic destination. Pick something that's about 2 hours away and make a mix-tape of all your favorite songs for the road. Have lunch, walk around and then head back. Getting away and having fun, even for just a little while, is a great way to jump back in and remind yourself of the great things you have in your life.

Spring is a beautiful time of year and a great time to be getting out there and back into life. No matter where you are in your journey of bouncing back, now's a great time to take a moment and enjoy the good in life.

Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, where I'm the dating expert.

Feeling Bummed? Put Up An Online Profile for Some No-Strings-Attached Ego-Boosting

When you’re feeling down -- either from post-breakup blues or from that persistently dark cloud that’s been haunting you lately -- it’s nice to have a pick-me-up. And it’s even better if it’s in the form of positive attention from total strangers. The normal path would be to put on your hottest outfit and go out with the girls for a night of ego-boosting free drinks and well-meaning, albeit clichéd compliments. But what happens if you’re not ready for actual human-to-human contact and you still want the attention? Fortunately, you have options.

Online dating.Pick your favorite site -- I like the free ones like okcupid.com -- and put up a profile. Select your top five favorite pictures from the last couple years where you look your most smoldering hot (bonus points for pictures on the beach that show off your killer physique). Pick and choose the questions you want to answer and respond in your wittiest fashion, but feel no pressure to answer all or even most of them. A couple of sentences will suffice. Then hit “Save” and pat yourself on the back for setting yourself up for some no-strings-attached, completely safe, relatively anonymous ego-boosting.And no letting the dark cloud negative voice in your head tell you you’re not attractive enough to garner attention on a dating site. Even if you didn’t get hit with the super-model stick, you’ll still get a lot of email -- emphasis on a lot. Most of it will be short and sweet: think subject line: “Hi”, message body: “You’re hot.” Some of it will be a bit weird ("I'd like to lick your ear"), and some of it from seemingly normal, intelligent guys whom you might consider responding to at a later date once you're feeling better. But all of it? All of it will be flattering.

Feel no pressure to respond -- after all, you’re doing this to give your bruised ego some R&R before you hit the dating scene again. What better way to do that than to accept compliments from well-meaning dudes? So grab your favorite cup of tea, cuddle up with your cat, turn on your laptop and bask in the complimentary glory. And if and when you’re ready, respond to the intriguing emails. You never know what might happen.

Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, where I'm the dating expert.

What if I'm in high school?

I received an email a couple weeks ago from an enthusiastic fan, who happened to be in her second year of high school. She very astutely and aptly pointed out that many of the examples in Screw Cupid don't directly apply when you're in a situation (like high school) where you're around the same group of people everyday and who watch your every move, making opportunistic conversation with strangers challenging. She also asked for alternatives to "going out" to meet guys, since she's not of the legal drinking age yet.

Her first point - that it's more challenging to approach someone you like when you and that someone see each other and the same 10/20/50/300 people every day - is valid, and applies to more than just a scholastic atmosphere. Offices, social groups, teams - how do you approach someone who clearly recognizes you, but who falls in the dead zone between stranger and friend? I'm of the opinion that although approaching these people takes a bit more thought, it's certainly possible. For example, if the guy is someone you see everyday in class or four times a week for your co-ed soccer practice, acknowledging the fact you recognize each other with a smile is a good way to break the ice. Catch him at a time when you're both waiting for something, or resting on the side of the field. Smile, and then, as though it just occurred to you, deliver your opener:

"Hey, mind if I ask you a question? I need a present for my brother for his birthday, and was wondering from a dude's perspective which is a better present: a sweater or some other item of clothing, or a gift certificate to Amazon. Gift certificates are so impersonal, but other than clothes, I don't really know what else to get him. He's got everything."

You don't need a prop or a reason to be near him - the fact you see each other on a regular basis takes care of your reason for being there.

Her second point (about not being able to drink and "go out") was easier to address - if you're unable (or don't want to) hit the bar scene or go out on the town to meet guys and your social circle is limited by school, work, etc., look to other social circles to meet new people. Extracurricular classes and/or sports, religious functions (if that's your thing) and intellectual excursions (think museums, art galleries, etc.) are all good places to meet people outside your normal circle. Coffee shops, smoothie joints, cafes, libraries, book stores and anywhere else people in your target demographic hang out are good options as well.

Yours in problem solving,
S 

Compliments: Free Prozac

I was walking on the street a couple weeks ago, and this girl coming the other way stopped me, pointed at my shoes, said they were awesome and asked me where I got them. I shared my insider knowledge of this great local shoe place, and she and I both walked away smiling.

That weekend, I was at a party and saw this girl from across the room with the best hair I've ever seen in real life. We're talking shampoo ad hair - thick, wavy and enviably red. It was gorgeous. I recalled how nice it was to have the girl on the street compliment me, and decided to pay it forward by sharing how awesome I thought hair girl's hair was. So, I did. As it turns out, she was fresh out of a horrid break-up, had just gotten out of the salon with a haircut and color she hadn't tried before and although she liked it, was nervous about it. When I, a random girl a party, told her it was fantastic, she said it made her day. Her happiness was immediate and obvious, and made me feel great. We ended up talking for twenty minutes, decided we needed to hang out - and now I have a new friend. A lovely chain reaction started from a random girl on the street paying a compliment.

My point? Next time you see someone wearing something, doing something or having something you think is exceptional, let them know. Paying heartfelt compliments to strangers is a great way to spread a little love. It makes them feel great,which makes you feel great.

Yours in spreading the love,
S

1/1/XX Resolutions

I've always had a mixed relationship with New Years resolutions. On the one hand, it seems silly to only re-evaluate once a year, make some goals and then inevitably forget them by March. On the other hand, there is a natural pull to take a look at your life. After all, the number at the end of the date is changing, and is a very real, very tangible reminder of the passage of time. Plus, unless you live in a cave, it's almost impossible to ignore the self-reinvention propaganda hurling itself at you from every direction. On that note, did you know that January is the biggest self-help book sales month of the year?
Typically, my goals are more of the big, crazy dream variety: appear on Oprah, write a New York Times bestseller, allow the six-pack I know is in there to emerge, and meet Ryan Reynolds. While there is clearly nothing wrong with big, crazy goals, they're not exactly practical.

Since Oprah failed to call me the second my book came out (shocking, I know), I've managed to incorporate some practicality into my New Years resolutions over the last couple years, namely in the form of trying something new that  freaks me out. The logic was that if I force myself into situations where I'm forced to grow as a person (by surviving something I was scared of), then I'll *actually* grow as a person.

The choice last year was scuba diving - while I'm very at home in the water, my ridiculous fear of sharks and the thought of running out of air totally and completely freaked me out. So, I signed up for a certification class. I got through it without losing any limbs or air, (which was great) and learned that my fears were totally unfounded. I try to remember this whenever I'm confronted with something I'm not comfortable with, and have been able to gain a lot of strength from it.

Maybe you're not afraid of anything and already know that you can do whatever you want to do. If this is the case, well done. You're awesome. If, however, you're more like me and have any number of things you're freaked out about, I highly recommend pushing yourself out of your cozy zone and into the cold. You'll be pleasantly surprised as the results.

PS - This year I'm going to try cross-country skiing. It sounds hard, and I've heard there are bears and cougars to worry about. :-)

Yours outside the comfort zone,
S

I don’t get this whole “making up openers” thing. What advice can you give me?

When you're thinking up your own openers, remember that whatever you ask the guy needs to be something that he'll know the answer to. You cannot, for example, expect the average guy to know how awesome the new Christian Louboutin's are, or why so-and-so was on the cover AGAIN of that magazine. There are millions of things that are sex-neutral that you can bring up: dating, good local restaurants, movie opinions and current news are all good bets for opening questions.

On that same note, asking a guy something that he can be knowledgeable about plays up the damsel in distress scenario. Guys (yes, I'm generalizing) like feeling like they know more than you. It makes them feel powerful. And though I am definitely not advocating dumbing yourself down to get a guy, it doesn't really matter if you know the answer to the question or not, in the end. Guys like to help girls—it makes them feel macho.

Also, actively avoid yes or no questions - these are conversation killers. Opinion questions invite further conversation and have the added benefit of the guy feeling like he's doing the conversational running and cleverly coming up with conversation on the basis of what you're saying. He'll feel like he's hitting on you rather than vice versa.

Yours in neutral openers,
S