I have a theory: Coffee shops may be the new bars, in terms of finding your next date. My job requires me to write for several hours a day, and so coffee shops are my office. There are lots of others who also call my office their office, both during the daylight hours and at night. My favorite coffee shop has several community tables, and conversation abounds when we get bored (which happens quite frequently). Because we’re all usually by ourselves, it’s ridiculously easy to start (or join in) a conversation with those in the vicinity, also clicking away at their variously branded laptops. Even on those days when I’m occupying my own table, there are always people within two or three feet of me at other tables, so it’s an equally talkative situation.
The conversations are random, and usually quite entertaining. Today, for example, I got into a conversation about the merits of pedicures with two guys, one of whom swore by the weekly pedicure as the most relaxing two hours he spends every week and was trying to convince his (doubtful) friend to jump on the bandwagon. I want to know where he’s getting a two-hour pedicure, and also am now very curious about what percentage of the male population has their feet groomed on a semi-regular basis. Entertaining, interesting and random = awesome.
Everyone is friendly, and because coffee shops are not (yet) labeled as meat markets where we actively troll for dates, people are open to conversation and usually quite happy to talk. Friendly atmospheres are conducive to making connections more than sexy atmospheres, because there’s no pressure — after all, we’re not immediately judging one another by how hot we find the other person, but rather by what they say and how we interact. This is so much easier, comfortable and less intense than trying to talk to people in bars. There’s no need for elaborate pick-up techniques in coffee shops either — complimenting someone on their choice of witty t-shirt is more than enough to start a fun conversation. Win.
While I’m on the subject, I do have one minor question to throw out into the universe about the ambient temperatures of coffee shops across the world: I know that some coffee places don’t enjoy us freelancers hogging their tables all day (and I try to be sensitive to the vibe of a place before I settle in for a few hours), but is it really necessary to keep the interior temperature at an icy 60-65 F? My hands are turning blue as I write this…
Yours in rice milk chai lattes, the occasional americano and witty conversation, S
Originally published on the PickV.com blog (a new dating site that matches people based on music, movies and book likes and dislikes), where I am the weekly love/relationships contributor.
Photo Credit: Ballistik Coffee Boy
As someone who wrote a book to share my mistakes (and solutions) in dating, I took an immediate liking to Lori Gottlieb, the witty and talented author of the new and highly talked about book "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough". Don't be off-put by the "settle" part of the title -- as many of her nay-sayers are -- Gottlieb's most basic message is about figuring out what makes you happy and distinguishing between what you want and what you need out of a relationship, a lesson she wishes she'd learned early on and one she successfully drives home again and again throughout the book. As she discovered through her own life and the lives of the many, many others she interviewed, that perfect significant other may not look like -- on paper and in person -- what you've pictured your whole life, and as the evidence she presents suggests, there's an excellent chance you'll end up much happier for straying from your list.
She writes from a place of complete and at times brutal honesty, baring all so the rest of us can learn and grow from her experiences rejecting many potentially wonderful (for her) men in her twenties and thirties based on factors she later realizes are ridiculous. Her advice is pragmatic, smart and presents a no-BS dose of reality that we should all take care to remember. I'm so glad someone wrote this book -- it's great advice, and Gottlieb delivers it extremely well.
Sure, the most oft-referred ideal relationship in the book is marriage, but if that's not your thing, don't worry. Gottlieb does a good job of not alienating those of us who don't want to get married. She has her views -- she's religious, and wants a traditional marriage -- but she doesn't force them on the reader. As someone who has no interest in the traditional definition of marriage and is most definitely not religious, the advice is just as sound and in my opinion, is something every one of us, male or female, can benefit from a thorough soaking in.
Diablo Cody, one of my personal idols and the Academy-Award winning screenwriter of "Juno" says this: "What Lori Gottlieb is saying isn't subversive -- it's smart. A thoroughly entertaining reality check, it will make single women laugh and squirm, and married people appreciate their spouses even more." I agree 110%. Go buy this book.
Originally published by BounceBack, LLC on www.bouncebacktolife.com, for which I am the dating expert. Check it out!
