Screw Cupid in Seattle has had two meetings so far, with the third coming up tomorrow night. Thanks to all the ladies that have come so far, and for the lively discussion.
One of the things that keeps coming up is the idea of perception - how others perceive us, how we perceive ourselves, and how to make those two views mix into a cohesive blend so that how we perceive ourselves matches how we hope to be perceived. Challenging? Yes.
This is because people's perceptions of others are ALWAYS colored by their past experiences, past relationships and perceptions of themselves. An unbiased opinion is impossible, because opinions (or perceptions), by definition, are always subjective. You either like it or you don't. Sure, there are similar groups of people who have similar opinions and perceptions, but there will always be another group standing up for the opposite side.
I, for instance, often run into other's perceived opinions of me before they even meet me. I have blonde hair. Couple that with the fact that the cover of my dating advice book is bright pink, and I often get pigeonholed as a ditzy girly-girl. This couldn't be further from how I perceive myself, and once people get to know me, they agree. Does this mean I should dye my hair dark (something I did in college as an experiment, and was shocked at how much more often my opinion was taken seriously - more on that another time), and make sure the next derivation of my book has a less girly cover? Of course not. I can't control how others perceive me or stereotype me because for every person who sees me the way I want to be seen, there are 20 more who see the opposite. However, I can control how I perceive me, and as long as I'm happy with that, I'm happy.
That said, this doesn't mean I ignore well-intentioned feedback. Perhaps you've got it all figured out, or perhaps you're like me and you're still growing and learning every day. I just make sure that when I hear feedback - both positive and negative - that I take it with a grain of salt, and remember that other's opinions of me are filtered through their perceptions of the world, and may not have much to do with me at all.
Yours in perception,
S
Wait. You just said you CAN control how others perceive you -- maybe not everyone, but certainly some. Maybe you don't like to color your hair, but there's also how you dress, body language, and accessories. The fact is, you chose to be blond rather than be taken more seriously. Why did you tradeoff in that direction?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the question, Martin. My point with this post was to illustrate that my ultimate goal is to be happy with how I perceive me, not try to make everyone else see me in a certain way. Other people's perceptions are colored by their personal experiences and rarely come from an objective point of view. So, if someone has feedback for me about how they perceive me, I listen, but I take it with a grain of salt. I don't consider it a "tradeoff" that I've kept my natural hair color -- I choose to be blonde because it feels right for me. I've found that if I'm confident and happy with myself and perceive myself in a positive light, it has way more impact on how others perceive me than changing my hair color or the way I dress.
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