Wednesday, November 18, 2009

What is a "Hot Guy"?

The way I define it in Screw Cupid, a "Hot Guy" is any guy that you personally find extremely attractive. I realize that the term "hot" typically refers to the societal standard of what women - in general - find attractive, but that's not what I am going for with my Screw Cupid definition. The Screw Cupid "Hot Guy" may refer to a set of personality traits more than physical traits, or it may refer to the fact he also enjoys 8 hour cross country skiing treks. Whatever it is that turns you on about a potential mate, that's what should define "Hot Guy" for you.

Yours in tall, adventure racing triathlete lumberjacks,

Friday, November 13, 2009

I don't think some of the openers used as examples in Screw Cupid would work in real life. Are you really suggesting I go up to some guy and ask him about why guys grunt in the gym?

I used the example of men grunting in the gym multiple times in Screw Cupid as a humorous tool for demonstrating how openers work, and with the hope that my readers would laugh, and then think about what they personally might want to use to initiate a neutral conversation.

The "grunting man" conversational gambit does work, but as I say in the book, it depends on the context. You wouldn't want to use a funnier, more ballsy opener like the grunting opener in a coffee shop or in your photography class, nor would you want to use it if it doesn't fit with your personality type. If you're more on the shy side, one of the examples about needing information about a nearby restaurant, or a gift, or dating advice for your friend could all be good bets.

Ultimately, Screw Cupid is about learning how to initiate conversation with the men you want to talk to (and to see if you click with them) - the opener is just the door that gets you into the conversational room. Once you're there, be yourself. By using your personality as a guide, you can find an opener that fits both you and the situation. And remember - you don't need to stress too much about that initial opening question. If you click with this guy, he'll remember way more about the conversation as a whole, rather than what you said to start talking to him.

Yours in contextual conversation,

Monday, November 9, 2009

Have you ever lived on the East Cost? People here just don't "talk" to strangers (aka hot men). It seems like your advice would work in California, but not in the big East Coast cities.

I haven't ever lived on the East Coast full-time, no, but I've definitely noticed the vibe difference between the East and West Coasts in terms of how people communicate on the street - your point is a good one.

My advice is that if you're finding yourself in situations where it doesn't seem socially appropriate to strike up a conversation with someone you don't know, then I would suggest trying to find other venues in which to meet people - take a cooking or photography class, join a book club, join a running group - something that gives you a reason for being there and therefore makes the people you're interacting with less like strangers and more like the other people in your group. When they're the latter, it's much easier to just "talk" to them.

Yours on the left coast,

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

What's the target audience of your book? I'm in my 40s and divorced. Will this work for me?

The great thing about Screw Cupid is that it's ageless. It's geared toward any single woman - 20-80 (or older, if they're dating!). Given that I'm in my late twenties, some of my language and cultural references may indicate a younger target audience. Please don't be dissuaded by this. Screw Cupid works at any age because it teaches how to initiate conversation easily, naturally and in an ego-safe way. There's no age-limit on that.

Screw Cupid has been very popular among the 40-50+ divorced crowd and I've gotten lots of positive feedback that these women are using the techniques and having success. My mother, who is in her 60s and divorced, has been using these techniques since she read a first draft 3 years ago.

I've heard it mentioned that women in the 40s, 50s and 60s are less likely to go out in groups than women in their 20s and 30s. I don't find going out with friends a pre-requisite at all for successful conversation starting. If anything, I think it works better when you're by yourself. If you feel self-conscious about being out and alone, say your friends are "on their way" or "bailed at the last minute". Also, try to find co-ed activities/classes where it's completely socially acceptable to be there by yourself - clubs, classes, mixers.

Yours in ageless advice,

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Internet dating - I wish you talked about this in your book! I bought your book after reading your amazing article on JDate about internet dating. I was hungry for more you have more articles on how to use your techniques/advice for internet dating?

I'm so glad you liked the internet dating section and you liked the JDate article. I'm currently working on a series of articles on internet dating, so keep an eye on my blog - or on my twitter account (, for updates. If you have particular topics you'd like me to cover, please let me know and I'll address them.

Yours online,

Monday, November 2, 2009

I think for introverts (like myself) your target of meeting 10 new men in one evening is unattainable, exhausting and out of the question! What do you recommend for the more introverted?

When I mention the 10 new guys a night option, I mention it only to show that's it's possible to meet this many, should you choose to. By no means am I advocating making yourself uncomfortable and exhausted trying to meet as many people as possible!

If you're feeling introverted, I recommend starting out small and getting more bold as you gain confidence and comfort. For example, practice just getting close enough to a guy you find attractive that you could start a conversation if you wanted to (with a reason to be there besides him, of course!). This is outlined clearly in Screw Cupid (pg. 64, "5 Techniques to Build Skills and Confidence").

Using openers to start conversations takes some practice and I want my readers to be comfortable. The point is to meet a guy you connect with, so take your time and enjoy the process.

Yours in connecting,