Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Why do girls date assholes?

One of my friends on Facebook posted this as a question to the universe today, and because I hear it ALL THE TIME, I wanted to address it.

My theory is that girls "date assholes" because "assholes" are typically the only guys that actively hit on them. No matter how you personally define asshole (or jerk, or whatever your favorite negative term is), the definition usually includes a large ego, and therefore outward confidence. Because (a lot of) the nicer subset of the male population has had little luck hitting on women (because they don't know how and fall into a myriad of common mistakes that are easily rectified by reading Screw Cupid and/or the upcoming male version of Screw Cupid I'm currently working on), they don't do it very often, leaving the female population to be approached by only the assholes of the world.

Ever heard the complaint "There aren't any good guys left!" - it's the same story, just from the other side. When the only guys hitting on a girl are jerks, she's going to assume that jerks are the only guys available - hence the aforementioned complaint.

Yours in the belief of a plethora of nice guys,

*Clearly I'm generalizing - there are obviously exceptions to the "only assholes hit on girls" statement, and the "nice guys don't hit on girls successfully" statement, as well as the millions of women who refuse to date assholes. I answer in generalizations to keep in line with such a generalized question as "Why do girls date assholes?"

Sunday, December 13, 2009

What if you find yourself in a situation where there’s a time crunch—where because of the situation, you or they are not going to be where you are in 15 or 30 more seconds (like on an elevator). You really want to try to initiate a conversation, even though the encounter is so fleeting. What do you do?!

This is challenging because Screw Cupid's techniques are all based on having some time to establish a connection. So, in this situation, I saw completely go against Screw Cupid's techniques and go for it. If you see someone you REALLY want to get to know better and you only have 15 seconds, I say to pull out a business card, write your cell number on the back with a "You're hot. Call me if you're interested." It's a ballsy enough move to get their attention and may just work.

There's really not much else to be done in that limited amount of time. You could also try slyly following them for a minute or two to see if they go somewhere where you could have a bit more time to start a neutral question conversation. Just to be clear, I am NOT advocating being creepy. Just think of it as an extended form of gaining proximity.

Yours in a time crunch,

Thursday, December 10, 2009

What if you see someone’s ad online, and you’re interested in them for whatever reason, BUT they don’t actually offer much factual or other info on which to base asking a neutral question. How do you pursue such a person neutrally if there’s nothing really obvious to use as the point of neutral connection?

This one is a bit tricky, since obviously you can't use Screw Cupid's techniques to the letter. I think the answer has three options.

Option 1 is to make something up for why you're contacting them - you're researching a book, you're conducting an informal poll, or you're contacting different profile types to find out what works. Since they list no info, how has their response rate been? Call them out on their lack of information.

Option 2 could be to admit that you're intrigued, but since they listed no distinguishing characteristics on their ad/profile, you'd like to know more. Then list 10 fun facts about yourself. If you're interesting, entertaining and/or intriguing enough in your fun facts, there's a good chance they'll respond in kind. You are admitting interest with this one, which can lower the chance of success, but I think it could work with the right person.

Option 3 is to disregard Screw Cupid's techniques (by immediately indicating you're interested) and admit you're intrigued by their ad/profile and would they be up for meeting for coffee to see if a connection exists? This is a long shot because it's the most basic response out there, but since there is a possibility of it working it may be worth a try - especially if you're not comfortable with the other two.

Yours in creative contact,

Friday, December 4, 2009

Neutrality - What is it?

The way I define it in Screw Cupid, i.e. in the context of initiating conversation with a guy you like, neutrality is the face you put forward and an attitude that governs your body language and words. The point of being neutral is to keep him guessing as to whether or not you're interested in him, at least initially. The logic behind this is that when Person A knows that Person B likes them (which is what happens when Person B says "Hi" to Person A), Person B immediately becomes less interesting to Person A. There's no chase, and therefore no challenge.

Just to be clear, I'm not advocating stringing someone along or keeping them guessing for longer than about 10 minutes. Neutrality is about taking advantage of a social norm - i.e. that people like a little bit of a chase. Make it too easy and it's boring. Make it to hard and it's annoying. Keep it in the middle - i.e. by being neutral - and it's interesting and fun.

Neutrally yours,