F$%# the “Should”

There’s so much “should” propaganda out there telling us that our dating lives should be these raging, always exciting, non-stop, somewhat drama-filled roller-coasters of emotion. It comes from ads, movies, celebrities, and closer to home, from our friends, families and occasionally the barista who makes our lattes in the morning. We end up feeling like we “should” be  going out more, sending more emails to hot people in our online dating forays, or making more of an effort to get set up by friends. We feel like we “should” be in a relationship when we’re not or either getting out of one or pushing it to the next level if we’re in one.  And when we start getting into our late twenties and early thirties, the pressure to not only date someone seriously but get married, find the white picket fence and have babies starts coming from our families, and also from random acquaintances at weddings, coffee shops and well-meaning co-workers. The pressure never lets up.

I say f&$# the pressure.

If your dating life is making you happy, ignore the gentle but relentless pushing to do whatever it is that friends, family and the big ad agencies think you should be doing. If you’re happy on your own right now, own it. If you’re happy with the 15 dates you aim for each week, rock it. If your plan for no kids/no wedding is right for you, ignore the nay-sayers and follow your dreams.

The only reason to change it up is if you’re not happy and/or you’re not meeting your personal dating/relationship goals. If this is the case, all you have to do to find that happiness is to make the changes necessary to meet those goals and get where you want to go. Although that’s kind of a “duh” statement, it can be easy to forget how simple it is to make changes for the better. We forget because sometimes it’s easier to keep doing the same thing because it’s familiar, even if we think we might be happier doing something else. Or we rule out the possibility of owning our lives and making changes because we’re scared of the unknown. The courage to make those changes is what makes us strong and grows us as people. Making changes because it’s what YOU want — and not what someone else told you to do — is extremely powerful.

For example, if you’re in a relationship that’s sucking your soul, get out of it and focus on you for a while. If you’re single and don’t want to be, get yourself involved in classes or with groups of people that enjoy the same things you do (the more co-ed, the better). Then, you’ll be enriching your own life and at the same time, meeting new people you already have something in common with (and if it doesn’t work with them, they all have friends who have friends who are probably awesome).

In short, f&$# the “should” and focus on doing what’s right for you. Your dating life is YOUR dating life — it should reflect what you want.

Yours in damning the man, S

Originally published on the PickV.com blog (a new dating site that matches people based on music, movies and book likes and dislikes), where I am the weekly love/relationships contributor.