If falling for a friend is complicated, falling for a co-worker is a step beyond that, with the if-it-doesn’t-work-out repercussions ranging from awkward staff meetings to losing your job. We can choose when to see friends, but you can’t choose when to see co-workers. They’re just there. Everyday. But, if the risk is worth it to you (in other words, this person is THE person for you), here are some pointers for making your co-worker crush into your next hot date.
The most important thing to remember is to maintain professionalism at all times while in the office, which means no obvious flirting when you’re debugging Excel spreadsheets together. If things go south, the HR department will look much more kindly on your situation if it’s obvious your work hasn’t been affected by your romantic trysts (especially if your co-worker crush falls under the no-fraternization policy).
Your goal is to turn your co-worker crush into a friend first, then into a date. To start, institute time spent hanging out with them outside of work. Put together an informal office happy-hour and make sure to invite them, or throw a party and invite some co-workers (including, but not limited to your crush). While there, get to know them as a person (versus as just your co-worker) and develop a friendship. Don’t be too pushy — your goal at this point is to get them comfortable with the idea of you as a friend, and not just that guy who sits two cubicles down from them.
Once your friendship outside the office is established, invite them to be your “plus one” to an event you need (or want) to attend. Very similar to last week’s post “Escaping the Friend Zone” , by putting them in a position of doing you a favor (i.e. being your plus one to your friend’s band’s back room bar concert), it takes the pressure off your first one-on-one outing being a date. This is good, because you absolutely don’t want to force them into making a decision about you before they’re ready. Even though at this point they’ll have figured out you have a crush on them, because your non-date date suggestion of being your “plus one” is pretty low-key on the date scale, they’ll feel comfortable deciding at their leisure whether or not to pursue anything with you.
If nothing happens to indicate where they stand after a couple more one-one-ones, it’s fine to make a move and let them know definitively that you’re interested. Most likely, you’ll be able to tell pretty quickly during that first one-on-one whether or not they’re interested in being more than your coffee buddy at work.
If they decide that they’re not into you “like that”, even more important than with a friend is the need to maintain maturity. You have to work with this person everyday, so keep the emotions in check and be mature in your reaction. Something like, “I think you’re great, but completely respect your feelings about us, so consider it dropped. Friends?” is perfect. Then, be completely normal and friendly when you see them at work, and they’ll respect you very much for being cool about the situation instead of freaking out and making things weird.
Yours in professional crushing, S
Originally published on the PickV.com blog (a new dating site that matches people based on music, movies and book likes and dislikes), where I am the weekly love/relationships contributor.
The most important thing to remember is to maintain professionalism at all times while in the office, which means no obvious flirting when you’re debugging Excel spreadsheets together. If things go south, the HR department will look much more kindly on your situation if it’s obvious your work hasn’t been affected by your romantic trysts (especially if your co-worker crush falls under the no-fraternization policy).
Your goal is to turn your co-worker crush into a friend first, then into a date. To start, institute time spent hanging out with them outside of work. Put together an informal office happy-hour and make sure to invite them, or throw a party and invite some co-workers (including, but not limited to your crush). While there, get to know them as a person (versus as just your co-worker) and develop a friendship. Don’t be too pushy — your goal at this point is to get them comfortable with the idea of you as a friend, and not just that guy who sits two cubicles down from them.
Once your friendship outside the office is established, invite them to be your “plus one” to an event you need (or want) to attend. Very similar to last week’s post “Escaping the Friend Zone” , by putting them in a position of doing you a favor (i.e. being your plus one to your friend’s band’s back room bar concert), it takes the pressure off your first one-on-one outing being a date. This is good, because you absolutely don’t want to force them into making a decision about you before they’re ready. Even though at this point they’ll have figured out you have a crush on them, because your non-date date suggestion of being your “plus one” is pretty low-key on the date scale, they’ll feel comfortable deciding at their leisure whether or not to pursue anything with you.
If nothing happens to indicate where they stand after a couple more one-one-ones, it’s fine to make a move and let them know definitively that you’re interested. Most likely, you’ll be able to tell pretty quickly during that first one-on-one whether or not they’re interested in being more than your coffee buddy at work.
If they decide that they’re not into you “like that”, even more important than with a friend is the need to maintain maturity. You have to work with this person everyday, so keep the emotions in check and be mature in your reaction. Something like, “I think you’re great, but completely respect your feelings about us, so consider it dropped. Friends?” is perfect. Then, be completely normal and friendly when you see them at work, and they’ll respect you very much for being cool about the situation instead of freaking out and making things weird.
Yours in professional crushing, S
Originally published on the PickV.com blog (a new dating site that matches people based on music, movies and book likes and dislikes), where I am the weekly love/relationships contributor.
I recently read your book and I have to say that I love your approach. I also really appreciate what you have to say about image and appearance. I think that so often the response to being rejected is to think you weren't physically attractive enough, but you are right- there are all different types of people and being confident and comfortable in your own skin is the most important thing. :)
ReplyDeleteRenee - Thank you! I'm so glad to hear you liked the book. It's great to hear you liked that message -- it's one of my favorites from Screw Cupid. It's so important to realize that every person has a different view of what they find attractive, and beyond that, that confidence in yourself is the sexiest accessory.
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