I’ve heard the first dates equated to a job interview, described as “I’d rather be getting a root canal” and, in the opposite camp, looked forward to with the excitement of a six-year old waiting for Chrisma-Hanukkah. As a member of this latter camp, my goal is to shed some light on how first dates can be awesome instead of soul-sucking.
First off, what is it about first dates that’s so dreaded? Most would agree that fear of rejection is pretty high on that list, as well as the not-knowing-what-to-say awkwardness that accompanies most first dates like frosting on a cupcake.
Fear of rejection is pretty standard fare for any sort of situation where you’re (potentially or definitely) interested in someone else. The key to getting around this is to not have expectations about the date. Understand that I’m not advocating lowering your standards, I’m talking about not expecting anything to come of the date. If you don’t really care what happens, rejection won’t matter. Maybe they’ll even do it in a way that’s ridiculous and you’ll have an even better story to tell your friends later. Case and point:
I met this guy online. His picture was decent and he wrote me a witty email asking me to coffee, so I went. I arrived shortly before he did and was in the middle of ordering my tea when my date walked in, gave me a once over, said “Sorry - you’re not hot enough,” turned around and left. I turned back to the guy handling my order for corroboration that that had indeed just happened. He stared at me for a minute and then said “I think you’re hot enough.” Weird? Yes. Good story? Most definitely.
As for the long awkward silences, you’ve already solved that problem by being on Pickv. When you’re matched based on interests, your first date ice-breaker is built in. You already have something to talk about and something that in all likelihood will get you through at least the first thirty minutes of the date. Bands, movies and books are things that we can talk about for hours, and when you already know the person you’re talking to has similar interests, it creates an instant bond that you can draw upon to make that first date comfortable.
I love the possibility of the date going bad as much as I love the possibility of the date going well and leading to a second date. Either way, I’ve had a good night - either with a great story to share with my friends or because I’ve just met someone I’m excited about. There are lots of weird people out there to look forward to having a weird, awkward date with, and there are lots of rad people with whom you can have an amazing time. Enjoy the process of dating and hopefully you’ll find yourself looking forward to first dates instead of dreading them.
Until next time, yours in love and relationships,
S
(Originally written for the blog on PickV.com, a new dating site that matches you based on your interests (movies, books, music), for which I am the love and relationships expert. Check it out!)
First off, what is it about first dates that’s so dreaded? Most would agree that fear of rejection is pretty high on that list, as well as the not-knowing-what-to-say awkwardness that accompanies most first dates like frosting on a cupcake.
Fear of rejection is pretty standard fare for any sort of situation where you’re (potentially or definitely) interested in someone else. The key to getting around this is to not have expectations about the date. Understand that I’m not advocating lowering your standards, I’m talking about not expecting anything to come of the date. If you don’t really care what happens, rejection won’t matter. Maybe they’ll even do it in a way that’s ridiculous and you’ll have an even better story to tell your friends later. Case and point:
I met this guy online. His picture was decent and he wrote me a witty email asking me to coffee, so I went. I arrived shortly before he did and was in the middle of ordering my tea when my date walked in, gave me a once over, said “Sorry - you’re not hot enough,” turned around and left. I turned back to the guy handling my order for corroboration that that had indeed just happened. He stared at me for a minute and then said “I think you’re hot enough.” Weird? Yes. Good story? Most definitely.
As for the long awkward silences, you’ve already solved that problem by being on Pickv. When you’re matched based on interests, your first date ice-breaker is built in. You already have something to talk about and something that in all likelihood will get you through at least the first thirty minutes of the date. Bands, movies and books are things that we can talk about for hours, and when you already know the person you’re talking to has similar interests, it creates an instant bond that you can draw upon to make that first date comfortable.
I love the possibility of the date going bad as much as I love the possibility of the date going well and leading to a second date. Either way, I’ve had a good night - either with a great story to share with my friends or because I’ve just met someone I’m excited about. There are lots of weird people out there to look forward to having a weird, awkward date with, and there are lots of rad people with whom you can have an amazing time. Enjoy the process of dating and hopefully you’ll find yourself looking forward to first dates instead of dreading them.
Until next time, yours in love and relationships,
S
(Originally written for the blog on PickV.com, a new dating site that matches you based on your interests (movies, books, music), for which I am the love and relationships expert. Check it out!)
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