Friday, October 9, 2009

I made up an opener, but it didn’t work. I said “Hey - can I get your opinion on something? What do you think of Lady Gaga?”

This is nearly a good opener, but the problem is the sub-communication.

Why do you care what he thinks of Lady Gaga?

The sub-communication you are making here is “You look like someone I’d like to know. I’d like to know what you think of Lady Gaga”. Asking someone’s opinion is not by itself neutral. It becomes neutral when you give them a reason for wanting their opinion that has nothing to do with them.

You could turn this into a workable opener by saying “Hey—can I get your opinion on something? My friends and I are arguing about Lady Gaga. One of my friends says that guys don’t like her music. But that’s BS, right? Can you help me talk some sense into her?” From his perspective, you’re not asking because he's hot and you want to get to know him, you want his opinion to help you with an argument. This is a subtle difference, but it will make all the difference.

Yours in Fame,
S

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